I have but I know not what I have

I was reading Courtney's blog this afternoon (for some reason I always felt ‘this’ and ‘afternoon’ should be combined into one word… no? oh well) and it grabbed me and pulled me into itself, if that makes any sense. Sometimes your brain and your heart need to work together. In this instance, my heart was telling my brain that something was very wrong. Its not the first time my heart has brought this to my brains attention. It was the issue of self image. I will be honest; this issue floats through my mind and heart on a daily basis because I know that one of the big things that is destroying people from the inside out is poor self image.

I found it interesting that Courtney would blog on this as today I was sitting in class and as I looked over and saw 2 different girls, thoughts came to me on how the one girl would probably do anything to look like the other girl, and the other girl dresses the way she does because she feels it makes her more desirable to the other sex, or it gives her power or for whatever reasons. Poor self image is what it comes down to. And Courtney is right; it is very real in guys too. We compare ourselves to each other too, wishing we were in better shape, wanting to be a better provider, and be a self made man able to solve any and all the world’s problems.

Who am I? Why am I worth anything? These are questions that I believe we subconsciously ask ourselves everyday. And for whatever reasons, I believe many of us answer "I don't know", and when we answer this to ourselves, doubt, like a poison begins to weave itself into who we think we are as people. The truth about who we are becomes distorted; the truth is covered up with lies that are seemingly believable.

Let’s get down to the reality. Life, growing up, and learning/discovering who we are is not always going to turn out perfect. My life growing up had its good times and it had its absolutely horrible times. I did things I am proud of and things I am not proud of. I hurt people and people hurt me. Why? I am not sure, maybe because we don’t live in a perfect world. But through all of that I had major blows to my self esteem and I had people who helped build my self esteem, which I am grateful for. But in this instance, the bad outweighed the good. And there is no fault owing to anyone, though maybe for the people who beat me up for most of my school life, but there is no fault for those who didn’t bring encouragement to me, though I do believe encouragement brings out the life in us. Everyone in life is dealt a hand, some are much worse than mine was, some were thousands better than mine. But my self esteem was built and deteriorated as I became who I am today.

It is the way of the world. This is how self esteem will continue in the natural world without the intervention of Christ in our lives, the hand you are dealt will determine your self esteem. Now Christ in our lives does not guarantee that we will live a life having a positive strong self image, but it can. A car can get you to where you want to go, but not if you don’t learn how to use it and then use it. Much like the tools Christ has given us. We need to learn how to use them and then actually use them. The Bible can be used to level off the leg of a wobbly coffee table, it can be used as rolling papers for whatever you choose to smoke, it can be used to learn how to read, it can be used as a guideline and a teaching tool for our lives and, it can be used to bring you into a realization of the presence of God. There are many uses for the Bible, some are blasphemic (I think I made a word), and others can change the very person that you are, it all depends on how you use it.

Open up your eyes – The Thief comes to steal kill and destroy.
1. If you don’t believe that you are in serious self esteem trouble.
2. If you believe it but don’t realize how true and powerful that statement is, you are in just as much trouble.
This is an incredible revelation in case you didn’t see it! You can’t know how to defeat your enemy if you don’t know anything about him. This is a war to which you have inside information that will help you to win.

Breaking it down – Finding the truths in the scriptures takes time in learning how to think of all the possibilities in what God is saying to us, and not only that, a key element is asking God to reveal the truth in his word. Let’s look at the next part of this scripture – “But I have come that they may have life and have it more abundantly.” Seems pretty basic and something I have always known. Jesus came to die on the cross for my sins so I could live life abundantly. Well yea, that’s the basics of it, but there are many truths in there. The one that gets me right in the heart today is this:

I am the “they” that Jesus died for.

It was his love for ME that brought him to death. And when I stop reading and I think for a second even, it makes me FEEL like I have a lot of worth. I FEEL valuable and that is important. The actions of my savior, the sacrifice to give me something I would other wise never have, makes me FEEL that I must be extremely special to Him. And that makes me think of a song that says “don’t you know I’ve always loved you, and I always will.” That makes me FEEL like God is speaking to me. I remember the encouragement given to me by different people and that makes me FEEL encouraged. Look at the chain of events that happened not just from reading Gods word, but from asking Him to show me what it is. We are emotional creatures and we need to feel love so we can know it. The Word backs it up as knowledge and something we can use as evidence, but I am beginning to understand that sometimes the words in the Bible are simply words until God reveals His love to us through The Holy Spirit so that we can experience the feeling of being loved. God is love on paper, but He is “love experienced” as well.

So that was a short lesson in not just reading Gods word, but also being in Gods word. Live and learn. But also in there, understand that bruised and beaten self esteems can be mended in powerful ways. God is the ultimate self esteem fix. It’s not a good idea to fixate or build our self esteem in another person like a husband or wife, I am sure it’s a cause of many divorces. Or even in an object. Everything on this earth is insufficient to build a self esteem in. Because everything on this earth will eventually let you down.

Hey in English please!!! – “Build a self esteem in God.” I hate it when preachers tell you something that sounds so profound, and it sounds so profound that you believe it without understanding it, and when you go home you have no idea how to do it because they neglected to mention about the process. They may as well have told you to learn the inner workings of the human anatomy (which I am doing right now).

I am no genius in France, but here is what I see, and I do want to explain it because I know that people have a hard time reading the scripture and getting something out of it. From that little scripture I read above, I began to feel and understand the love that Christ currently has for me, and that began to change the way I feel about myself. It came to me in a matter of seconds, the reality of his love. He began to transform me and my mind! Sometimes it takes longer, but the point is, the Bible is the input needed to build a proper foundational self esteem. Now perhaps you have trouble finding scripture to read everyday that will bring about change, maybe you have trouble getting to a deeper layer. I suggest you read the verse that I typed in this blog. Read it, see how I went a little deeper, then you try to go a little deeper. Ask God to take you a little deeper that the words on the page, because God is not trying to make this hard for you, but when we try a little we find A LOT of His truths. And once you are in the zone, it’s easier to stay there. You will see!
For more material on where to read go to church!!! Listen to the sermon take notes and practicing getting deeper there and at home later with your notes and the scriptures.

The deep is what is going to build you the self esteem that you were meant to have. The truth (Gods Word) uncovers the lies that are put into you through the outlets in this world.

Learning to swim in the deep end of Gods presence will create in you a desire to want more of Him for yourself.

God wouldn’t have given us His Word if He didn’t want us to read it and experience it.