Drawing a line in the sand
Thank you for joining me in my second blog. You will find that lately and probably more often than not, my blogs will be sparse. Yes I have the ranting gene, but I choose not to use it to its full extent. I will leave that to my other siblings to whom I am indebted to for the hours of blog entertainment and wisdom.
Please be warned, that there is some rough language in this blog which may shock you coming from the mouth of Pastor Ty. But I feel sometimes it is the only way to get the point across. I don’t like to add it to my daily repertoire of language, and I have never used nor do I condone the use of the Lords name in vain. Now onto the topic at hand.
There comes a time in every person’s life where you bring things to an end. “Enough is enough, that’s it I have had it, no more of this sh*t!”
For you, I don’t know what that means or where it has happened, but for me, it has been an entire life change.
So many things have brought me to this place, questions, fears, insecurities, frustration, anger, hurt, jealousy and pain. Sometimes it feels like all those things are going to break you to the point that you can no longer go on.
All my life, in my eyes, the person of Tyler has been nothing but shy, afraid of basically anything, unintelligent, and very unattractive. Not that I needed any help feeling this way, but there were some key people who did things, to speed up the destruction of the person that I am. I could thank them each personally right here in this blog, but I am not going to do that, for a man reaps what he sows.
Getting the hell beat out of me on a daily or semi daily basis at school was certainly a challenge to overcome. Being tormented about my cystic acne, even by my one of my best friends. I am not asking for your sympathy, I am simply telling some of my life.
Sitting in class as the teacher would leave for 15 minutes at a time, 4 or 5 guys grab me and throw me around the classroom, and when they needed to make it more interesting, they let the little guy take shots at me, which triggered my self defense mechanism against him (the little guy) because I knew I could actually defend myself, but my self defense got me an even worse beating from the rest of them.
Being kicked, punched, thrown across the room, pushed over desks, thrown over fences, locked in bathrooms, hit with objects, having my personal things destroyed just for a laugh, mocked, robbed, laughed at and spit on was just about what it took for me to give up, but not quite. Until I discovered that church was not even safe, I sat in Gods house only to be swore at by another kid my age, (Please excuse the language) he sat behind me, leaned forward and told me I was the ugliest f*cking thing he had ever seen, and I shouldn’t bother showing my ugly f*cking face in public because no one wanted to see it. As I went home, I said nothing and I to tried to figure out a way to kill myself, because like I said, everyone draws a line in the sand at some point in their life.
Tim Robbins said something very profound in the movie “The Shawshank Redemption”, he said “Get busy living or get busy dying”. And while he said it, someone else wrote it, so I give credit to whatever man or woman wrote that from his or her heart, but the fact remains that it touched me and probably thousands more to the realization that if you are sitting in a place of mediocrity, you need to make a change. Life is an action word, it is not a description of the force of our human bodies to function, it’s more than that. In that persons mind, death was as tragic as doing nothing. A singer name Clay Walker inspired me to live like he does, “I just want to live until I die”. Don’t get me wrong, I never want you to choose death, but you get the idea of how life is to be lived.
It’s inspiring and makes you feel good about yourself when you watch and listen to the actor say it, but there is a hard part. Because we don’t always feel like reaching for the sky, not even Tim Robbins nor the guy who wrote the line.
But here is what it takes;
it takes everything you got to fight everything that comes your way. You have to decide who and what is going to invade or be a part of your life.
I have to fight everything that told me I was ugly when I was growing up. Every hurt, every word spoken that deteriorated my self esteem in the past, I have to take by the throat and break its neck. Because the hurt doesn’t want to leave you alone, the trick is to never leave it alone. You overcome by walking tall.
When those hurts and pains grab you, and drags you into a room to fight,
you take a deep breath
and get your gloves up,
because one of you is going down with the beating of a lifetime
and it sure as hell isn’t going to be you!!!!
And there it is, your line in the sand.
Those things poke and kick and hit you enough until you give up or get tired of it and start fighting back That is where you get stronger and those things that get into your head and bother you get weaker. And let me tell you, when the weak get beaten, they get weaker, and they don’t want hang around as often.
And eventually you will find yourself in a place of bullying those emotions and the emotions of others. Those feelings of pain will be sleeping and you will kick open their door and say “wake up b*tch its almost time for your beating!”
The fight brings back the person you were meant to be. And the beauty is that once you start fighting you will never lose. Because even when you take a mind beating like I did today, where it feels like you are ready to give up, you won’t, because you will remember all the battles you have won.
I mean, they keep making Rocky movies! Just stay down!!!!! But he gets up every time. They keep making more movies!!! You got to really fight to win. You gotta want it!!!! I mean imagine if they made Canadian Rocky movies.
WHEN HE ISN’T PLAYING HOCKEY OR DRINKING CANADIAN BEER, ROCKY IS FIGHTING THE LIBERAL GOVERNMENT!
ROCKY XXXV – Rocky writes an action packed letter telling Paul Martens to “take off” and includes his concerns about how the liberal government is a bunch of hosers eh?
That is not the type of ROCKY you need to be. We need to get the real gloves on and fight back.
And you need to remember you have family and friends that love you and want to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
And so I will leave you with this one piece of wisdom if I may.
If you never give up,
you will never lose.
God Bless
Please be warned, that there is some rough language in this blog which may shock you coming from the mouth of Pastor Ty. But I feel sometimes it is the only way to get the point across. I don’t like to add it to my daily repertoire of language, and I have never used nor do I condone the use of the Lords name in vain. Now onto the topic at hand.
There comes a time in every person’s life where you bring things to an end. “Enough is enough, that’s it I have had it, no more of this sh*t!”
For you, I don’t know what that means or where it has happened, but for me, it has been an entire life change.
So many things have brought me to this place, questions, fears, insecurities, frustration, anger, hurt, jealousy and pain. Sometimes it feels like all those things are going to break you to the point that you can no longer go on.
All my life, in my eyes, the person of Tyler has been nothing but shy, afraid of basically anything, unintelligent, and very unattractive. Not that I needed any help feeling this way, but there were some key people who did things, to speed up the destruction of the person that I am. I could thank them each personally right here in this blog, but I am not going to do that, for a man reaps what he sows.
Getting the hell beat out of me on a daily or semi daily basis at school was certainly a challenge to overcome. Being tormented about my cystic acne, even by my one of my best friends. I am not asking for your sympathy, I am simply telling some of my life.
Sitting in class as the teacher would leave for 15 minutes at a time, 4 or 5 guys grab me and throw me around the classroom, and when they needed to make it more interesting, they let the little guy take shots at me, which triggered my self defense mechanism against him (the little guy) because I knew I could actually defend myself, but my self defense got me an even worse beating from the rest of them.
Being kicked, punched, thrown across the room, pushed over desks, thrown over fences, locked in bathrooms, hit with objects, having my personal things destroyed just for a laugh, mocked, robbed, laughed at and spit on was just about what it took for me to give up, but not quite. Until I discovered that church was not even safe, I sat in Gods house only to be swore at by another kid my age, (Please excuse the language) he sat behind me, leaned forward and told me I was the ugliest f*cking thing he had ever seen, and I shouldn’t bother showing my ugly f*cking face in public because no one wanted to see it. As I went home, I said nothing and I to tried to figure out a way to kill myself, because like I said, everyone draws a line in the sand at some point in their life.
Tim Robbins said something very profound in the movie “The Shawshank Redemption”, he said “Get busy living or get busy dying”. And while he said it, someone else wrote it, so I give credit to whatever man or woman wrote that from his or her heart, but the fact remains that it touched me and probably thousands more to the realization that if you are sitting in a place of mediocrity, you need to make a change. Life is an action word, it is not a description of the force of our human bodies to function, it’s more than that. In that persons mind, death was as tragic as doing nothing. A singer name Clay Walker inspired me to live like he does, “I just want to live until I die”. Don’t get me wrong, I never want you to choose death, but you get the idea of how life is to be lived.
It’s inspiring and makes you feel good about yourself when you watch and listen to the actor say it, but there is a hard part. Because we don’t always feel like reaching for the sky, not even Tim Robbins nor the guy who wrote the line.
But here is what it takes;
it takes everything you got to fight everything that comes your way. You have to decide who and what is going to invade or be a part of your life.
I have to fight everything that told me I was ugly when I was growing up. Every hurt, every word spoken that deteriorated my self esteem in the past, I have to take by the throat and break its neck. Because the hurt doesn’t want to leave you alone, the trick is to never leave it alone. You overcome by walking tall.
When those hurts and pains grab you, and drags you into a room to fight,
you take a deep breath
and get your gloves up,
because one of you is going down with the beating of a lifetime
and it sure as hell isn’t going to be you!!!!
And there it is, your line in the sand.
Those things poke and kick and hit you enough until you give up or get tired of it and start fighting back That is where you get stronger and those things that get into your head and bother you get weaker. And let me tell you, when the weak get beaten, they get weaker, and they don’t want hang around as often.
And eventually you will find yourself in a place of bullying those emotions and the emotions of others. Those feelings of pain will be sleeping and you will kick open their door and say “wake up b*tch its almost time for your beating!”
The fight brings back the person you were meant to be. And the beauty is that once you start fighting you will never lose. Because even when you take a mind beating like I did today, where it feels like you are ready to give up, you won’t, because you will remember all the battles you have won.
I mean, they keep making Rocky movies! Just stay down!!!!! But he gets up every time. They keep making more movies!!! You got to really fight to win. You gotta want it!!!! I mean imagine if they made Canadian Rocky movies.
WHEN HE ISN’T PLAYING HOCKEY OR DRINKING CANADIAN BEER, ROCKY IS FIGHTING THE LIBERAL GOVERNMENT!
ROCKY XXXV – Rocky writes an action packed letter telling Paul Martens to “take off” and includes his concerns about how the liberal government is a bunch of hosers eh?
That is not the type of ROCKY you need to be. We need to get the real gloves on and fight back.
And you need to remember you have family and friends that love you and want to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
And so I will leave you with this one piece of wisdom if I may.
If you never give up,
you will never lose.
God Bless
posted by Tyler at 3:56 AM
4 Comments:
Wow Ty. Your stength and courage amaze me. Every part of me wants to make right all the wrong that you faced, yet I know that is not possible. But I can encourage you to know you are one of the most amazing fine people I know. I am definately proud of you and your heart.
Don't forget that satan is a real bitch too. ;)
Great blog man.
Hey, man, good to see you're back!
I've heard you talk about your experiences in school before, and I just want to say, I can empathize. I've been there too. While I don't think my experiences were quite as bad as what you went through, and it thankfully mostly ended after Grade 6, it's all very familiar. It wasn't until the last month or two of Grade 12, after I had found some real friends who I knew wouldn't let me down and started coming to Sonlife and hanging out with genuinely good, caring people, that I really began to regain any real confidence, and started to tear down the protective shell I had built around myself.
It's such a wonderful thing, to realise one day that you're no longer afraid. :)
Prayin' for ya;
--JZ
Keep up the good work camping cambrils
Post a Comment
<< Home